春节时不曾觉得半点寂寞，因为这里一切照旧。

可是在这个只有无家可归的人在大街上乱晃的美国节日，有一种要collapse的感觉。

不行不行，要learn to be independent.

 

商店里开始出现各种包装精美的礼品，今天一冲动买了3张starbucks的gift card，

不知道这两个月能不能守住我的钱包。

 

好逗的电影，觉得有一点点阳光灿烂的影子，夏雨这张脸怎么一直就没变呢。

环境于我的作用力超过我的预料。

 

虽然我仍与这里格格不入，决不会在奥巴马当选的半夜，冲向市政厅，

不会因为赢了棒球赛，就游行直至整个城市交通差点瘫痪。

但是我可以体会到自己身上的变化。

 

汉堡pizza不那么难吃了，food truck甚至觉得味道不错了。

几乎天天去starbucks，咖啡的苦味恰好可以中和过甜的甜食。

Whipped cream, tiramisu, brownie, eclair, puff，配上圣诞装的starbucks，

不知道若干天后，能否反映在我的体重上。

 

上一个学期，总共喝过两杯，并扬言绝不可能习惯天天咖啡的。

以后不能过早下结论。

The solid friendship with my several good friends comes from the experience of
working together. I like to be around with those who are down-to-earth, inspiring,
kind and efficient, who work hard and try to be perfect for valuable details, who are

sincere and reachable, who tell me what they really think. We work toward the same

goal, no matter what it is, we try our best, BEST.

 

But these days, I really argue a lot with my partners or teammates, and feel bad

when my friend became my partner. Fight is unavoidable, because we no longer work

toward the same goal. We all have our selfish purpose for the same project, naturally

resulted from the fact that we are in different position. There is nothing wrong about

this, but it means we will not be convinced by each other. We have our own reasons,

more important, different plans and working styles. When they conflict, we will argue,

neogociate and try to figure out a win-win solution with affordable sacrifice. Sometimes

I am too ideal, but I will not give up without an effort. But how much efforts and sacrifice

I can make to carry out what I value? I am afraid that my bottom line is very close,

and I am just too ideal. I already had the experience of letting myself down to the

extent that I could not face myself.

 

However, at least now, I am still arguing. I do not think my teammates will like me.

They must feel very stressful with me. I forced one of my partners to work till four o'clock

in the morning with me. When he said let's stop here, I just kept pushing him. Some students

work and get paid for the project I take part in, I kind of want to make full use of every

 minute of their working hours. What a mean boss I will be, if I have chances. I require my

"employees" to do what even I could not. I insist standardlized procedures and detailed

documentation, which requires extra work from everyone in the team. I take this work

very seriously, leading to high expecations from both others and myself. I will probably

give in, but I won't let my opinions die due to not enough efforts and tries. So I am arguing

with my friend, in front of whom I used to act like a kid.

 

I was worrying that one day I will regret to be tough and demanding, which potentially

will ruin friendship, or never be able to make friends in work. It's just work, no big deal!

But on the other side, I also worry that I am not strong enough so that I will never

"be the change I want to see". That's why I always desperately admire people who are

the changes I want to see. They accomplish what I hope I can.

 

In the process of learning how to communicate and cooperate and change...